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March 2nd, 2004
03:41 am - Bleh
I cant do this life anymore, i think im gonna drop out of college and go for a crappy full time job somewhere until i have enough money to move away and try the education thing again. But at the moment its making me so stressed because i KNOW im gonna fail again.
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February 23rd, 2004
09:07 pm - Time is so generous to us, and yet, time is still such a cruel thief
Hmmm, weeks or months or years, all measures of time in which i haven't seen certain people, the people that were once closest have now seemed to drift further and further away from me. I miss them, but i don't do anything to see them well not now anyway soon i will, i promise.
Its my 18th soon and i still have no direction, no plans, nobody to keep me warm, im like an empty vessel of a person.
Current Mood: confused
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05:17 pm
Like an angel with no sense of mercy
Rise young boy, to the heavens like a legend
Cold winds, as blue as the sea,
Tear open the door to your heart, I see
But unknowing you seem, just staring at me
standing there smiling serenely
Despereate, for something to touch
A moment of Kindness, like that in a dream
Your innocent eyes have yet no idea
Of the path your destiny will follow
But someday you'll become aware of
Everything that you've got behind you
Your Wings are for seeking out a new
future that only you can search for
The Cruel Angel's Thesis
Enters through the window of your soul
If you should betray the chapel of your memories
The Cruel Angel's Thesis bleeds through
a portal like your pulsing blood
So, boy stand tall and embrace the fire of the legend
Embracing the universe like a blazing star!
Sleeping ever on
In the cradle of my love
The morning where only you
Shall be called a missionary of dreams comes.
Beams of moonlight
Pour onto your neck
Stopping time all over the world
How I want to grasp them
But if the encounter between us
Is to have meaning
I must truly know
The Bible to know freedom
The Cruel Angel's Thesis
The sadness shall then begin
The shape of the life that you embraced
When you awaken to that dream
Shining more light than anyone else
Rise young boy, to the heavens like a legend
While people spin love
To make history
Without such a goddess
I shall live
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February 10th, 2004
01:31 am - There is no good, there is no bad. Just perspective and opinion.
I made my heart harder, colder, stronger. I stand before a door that will never open. Still, I knock on it for eternity, and you will remain you. Beautiful, young, and I will grow older. I will grow older and alone.
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February 9th, 2004
01:52 am - Ugh
I've been here too long, i need to leave but i will wait till the right time, soon.
Every day that passes i get more and more alone, even surrounded by my 'friends' i feel cold and hmmm evil?
I think im gonna go north.
Current Mood: numb
Current Music: Better than ezra - Circle of friends
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January 5th, 2004
07:08 pm - That non sleeping thing
was boring, i had nothing to do so i went to bed :P
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January 4th, 2004
10:16 pm - SLEEPING OR LACK THERFOR OF
Im gonna see how long i can stay awake for on a college week, ive only ever stayed awake for 2 days on a college week so yay i will try, damn tv influencing me
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08:17 pm - Lalalala
i cleaned my room today *gasp* i woke up and saw my family cleaning the
house so thought "hmm all the cleaning stuffs near my room so i may
aswel join in the 'fun'.."
ALSO Emma is here, and im slightly excitable as i havnt seen her in like five or six years :O woooow.
Im all like.. YAY
Current Mood: excited
Current Music: Foo Fighters - Burn Away
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January 3rd, 2004
04:40 am - Lets dance
History is much like an endless waltz. The three beats of war, peace, and revolution continue on forever.
Everything is the same, it repeats over and over.
nothing changes
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January 1st, 2004
December 28th, 2003
07:40 pm - The hills are alive with the sound of music
BLABLAH, top 100 musicals, im so bored.. and drunk :D
Must think of something to do, Jay lent me his webcam so if anyone actually reads this poop come see me :P (lets_swear@hotmail.com)
Adios~
Current Mood: lonely
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December 26th, 2003
06:51 pm
Well i've now pushed everyone away, nothing left to hold me bacl.
I keep having dreams of a day from five years ago :'( i miss everyone, but i see no way to get any of them back.
My search shall continue.
Current Mood: exhausted
Current Music: Wham - Last Christmas
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December 24th, 2003
05:04 am - my god i need a life
seriously..
im such an ass to everyone no wonder i have no friends, i get in stupid moods... manage to insult everyone then end up with absoloutly nothing...
"To be forgotten is worse than death"
ho hum
Will Angel.. a foool.. a vestige.
Current Mood: sad
Current Music: R.E.M. - Losing my religion
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December 23rd, 2003
09:26 am - Boring
My life is so boring, i just want to go out and see people but im not sure if i remember how, i just wanna sit down as they all socialise and laugh and whatever it is they do, i feel so hmm not me i cant explain it but i feel like im missing something important.
Jamie came round today, well yesterday but with my lack of sleep and odd sleeping times weeks seemingly turn into days.
What to do what to do,i need to go christmas shopping... i hate chrismas, not in a BAH HUMBUG IM NOT DOING IT way, because i have to, i just find it annoying and depressing, everyone pretends to hide their problems and be happy, too hard to join them.
Buhbye
Current Mood: Empty
Current Music: Babylon Zoo - Spaceman
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December 21st, 2003
02:12 pm - fuck you life
UGH i was in a good mood thismorning then fucking family i hate them all and im sure they despise me equally, they start the day being nice and get angryer and angryer no matter what i do i cant take this anymore :'(
i think id rather die than live through more of this, somebody help me.
Current Mood: angry
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December 16th, 2003
09:46 pm
Okie dokie, my hands are cold but slowly warming up, the man came again
and seems to have fixed the boiler for us yay. Although, i didnt get to
have a shower, hannish woke me up and made me get out of bed and go to
her house, i was all icky but she washed mai hair because i was smelly
:P
Im not sure if im supposed to be in college this week... but who
cares, mum put the christmas tree up, Faith took it down hehe, its up
now with sweets that im sure must be bad for me but i dont
care.
Met a little man...
Brain candy:
"Life isn't just about passing on your genes.
We can leave behind much more than just DNA.
Through speech, music, literature and movies...
what we've seen, heard, felt
...anger, joy and sorrow...
these are the things I will pass on.
That's what I live for.
We need to pass the torch,
and let our children read our messy and sad history by its light.
We have all the magic of the digital age to do that with.
The human race will probably come to an end some time,
and new species may rule over this planet.
Earth may not be forever,
but we still have the responsibility to leave what traces of life we can.
Building the future and keeping the past alive are one and the same thing."
Solid Snake-- Metal Gear Solid 2
Current Mood: Slowly warming up
Current Music: Van Halen - Panama
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12:48 am - There's no such thing in the world as absolute reality.
Holy jesus on a stick its cold, the guy came to fix the boiler... then realised that he cant! arghh :'(
Its tuesday now... barely.., and if they* think im goin to college without washing or getting a good night sleep without freezing to death then they* have lots to learn.
Im bored, so i may randomly quote films or post pictures.. hmmmm or do both.
"That's all there is, information. Even a simulated experience or a
dream; a simultaneous reality and fantasy. Any way you look at it,
the information that a person accumulates during a lifetime is just a
drop in the bucket."
Batou -- Ghost in the Shell
On a side note im pretty sure Faith hates me for some reason.. maybe she didn't want me to post her pictures online :P
*They meaning "authority" in general
Current Mood: pensive
Current Music: Travis - Why Does It Always Rain On Me
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December 15th, 2003
05:54 pm - goddamnit
Wouldn't it be alot easier if people were either friends or enemies, why
can't life be that simple, I've even asked people to tell me they hate
me but they wont even though they continue to screw me around and hurt
me.. psht.
ANYWAY i am fucking freezing here, no boiler no hot water no heating...
it means I'm sat in my room freezing and i smell like a horses arse..
but somehow Faith seems to sleep through everything.
Wish everything was that easy for me :P
Argh i went to the dentist today, and even though he's got a sexy new
hair do he still make my mouth feel all odd and made me taste horrible
stuff.
Current Mood: cold, freezing ahhhh
Current Music: Ash - Burn Baby Burn
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December 14th, 2003
10:23 pm - Oh such a perfect dayyyyy lalalal
So, i woke up to the sound of nathan's dad (they were bringin something
back that we gave them for a party or something) GRRR im having to type
this all out again because i clicked a button and lost it all :p
Anyway, nathan and dave came round today but im all icky, the boiler
has packed in and now we have no heating or hot water, so washing in a
freezing shower is a bad thing, On the plus side i managed to get my
scanner working yay, that should keep my mind of the cold for at least
an hour i hope.
Pictures:
Me...
Hmm these pictures, im guessing they were taken after a party or when
id just woken up because any other time and im usually less
greasy/sleepy, i'll only put two up because nobody wants to see meeeee.
Also im not as fat as that picture may look! my t-shirt makes me look like an elephant :(
Awww its my baby! (Faith) Isn't she cute :D
Anyway im bored now chatting to people, downloading films takes too
long, but it gives me time to write annoying stuff like this...
Adios~
Current Mood: cold
Current Music: Bob Marley and the Wailers - Three Little Birds
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December 12th, 2003
07:55 pm - A new beginning? i wish
So, i wiped all of my entries... i wish life was that easy, i wish i could just start anew.
Its Christmas, the most suicidal time of year and again i spend it alone, i don't want to be alone anymore its making me too depressed, but whenever i make a friend or allow myself to get close to someone they just end up hurting me.
I got a Christmas card the other day from a friend that i knew years ago, it made me happy for a while but the sad lonely me was still there and as soon as the happiness faded it came back, someone be my friend?
please.
And if you're reading this, thankyou Luize, you're the only thing that's keeping me sane, thank-you.
Current Mood: lonely
Current Music: R.E.M. - Everybody Hurts
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